From the Desk of Mr. Zissman

The musings of an over-stimulated mind

Archive for July 2011

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE: Day 17 – A Song You Hear Often on the Radio

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I’m baaaaaaaaaaack! Sorry for the hiatus, but I was getting kinda burned out on these and decided to take a few day breather. In the meantime, I pursued some venues which I hope will give this blog the exposure it so rightfully desires.

For starts, I am now a member of Goodblogs and have posted an entry that you can get access to by CLICKING THESE MAGICAL WORDS WHICH WILL TRANSPORT YOU TO A LAND OF MAKE-BELIEVE AND GUM-DROP UNICORN KISSES. When you visit this website, be sure to register an account (it’s free and takes less than 5 minutes) and click the LIKE button in the left hand side. If I can get enough likes clicked, my blog goes to the front page and I get $20! Neat, huh?

Secondly, I am now a contributing writer to which seems to be a pretty cool website. I’m spoken for, obviously, so it’s not going to work out, but if you’re a single nerd looking for that special someone to download bootleg anime with or argue about DC vs Marvel while having an intense sexy-time session, well, this is the place to go. My first article is a review of the new Captain America movie. CLICK THIS LINK, SOLIDER. FOR AMERICA!

Now, on with the show.

“E.T.” ~ Katy Petty feat. Kanye West

Look, I won’t lie, I like Katy Perry. I think she’s cute, I like her songs and think she has a nice voice. I also like Kanye West and yes, I am fully aware of the “I’ma let you finish…” fiasco he did several years ago. I think he’s one of the most talented lyricists out now and his latest album is just completely brilliant. So you would think putting Kanye and Katy together on a song would be gold, right? Wrong. “E.T” was a strong contender for song I hate, but was barely edged out by His Bieberness.

Anyway, as much as I disliked the song, apparently the rest of the world loved it because EVERY. SINGLE. STATION. played this song in their rotation, often several times a day. It was torture. I couldn’t stand her voice in the song, not to mention Kanye’s rhymes were just terrible. “Tell me what’s next/Alien sex!


Thankfully, the radio has replaced it with her latest single “Last Friday Night” which is a thousand times better. Occasionally a radio station will play “E.T”, but it’s starting to fade away. And that’s a good thing. Not only is  “Friday Night” better, but it had Clarence (of Bruce Springsteen fame) absolutely dominating it on the saxophone.

But back to “E.T”, it’s just awful. Horrible. And yet it was on near constant loop, like a Satan’s iPod playlist. It’d be in the playlist called “SONGS TO TORTURE FORNICATORS TO” But hey, at least it’s not “Baby”


Written by MrZissman

07/28/2011 at 10:44 AM

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE: Day 16 – A Song That You Used to Love But Now Hate

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Man, I was so into Rage Against the Machine back in the day. Don’t get me wrong, I still like them today, but back In The Day, I was really into them. I was raging against any type of political machine and was a loud supporter of Ralph Nader. I even voted for him in the 2000 Presidential elections. (Sorry, Al. I owe you one, buddy.) So imagine my heartbreak when Rage broke up. Those were bummer times, man.

But then they reformed with (then) former Soundgarden singer Chris Cornell, all seemed right with the world. True, it lacked the volatile “SCREW EVERYTHING!” message I was so in tune with, but I was happy to at least enjoy some form of their music. They formed under the name “Audioslave” and their first album was pretty good, especially the first single “Cochise.” Man, I loved that song.

But then a funny thing happened.

Chad Crider happened.

See, Chad is my good buddy/heterosexual life partner/former co-worker and we stay homies till this day. Chad is a fan of great music and he too enjoys the musical stylings of Audioslave, especially “Cochise.” So when he sat at his desk at work (which was right next to mine) he would play ‘Cochise.” And then he would play it again. And again. And again. And again. And again. It was like The Telltale Heart, but with electric guitar. I wanted to rip the CD out of his PC and scream “Here lies the squealing of the hideous guitar!”

But that’s not all, folks. No, no, you’ll soon understand why just the mere rhythm of this song will send me huddled into corner. Chad happened to enjoy gyros from our local (and let’s face, it Mansfield’s only) Greek restaurant. To say their gyros are delicious is to state that the sun is warm or water is moist. These are no ordinary gyros, but rather hand-crafted culinary masterpieces that seem to have descended from the golden hills of Flavor Mountain. Imagine if Thor found a lesser gyro and, growing angry like a god does, brought down the full fury of Odin on this poor gyro. He then used the Odinforce to forge a delicious combination of meat and pita bread, the likes of which man has never seen nor will see again.

Now Chad loved the gyros, we know this to be true. But in truth, the gyros did not love him. No, after about an hour of returning from lunch, a terrible ball of gas and suffering would begin to brew in Chad’s stomach. A vile, noxious concoction of olfactory punishing aromas that seemed to have wafted from the very anus of Beelzebub. Chad would listen to “Cochise” on endless repeat, all the while burping up this hellish gastronomical bio-weapon. Indeed, the fog was so punishing and dense that I’m surprised Homeland Security never arrested the man for possessing a Weapon of Mass-Destruction.

To this day I still can’t listen to this song. It’s like screeching weasels let loose in my brain, furiously clawing at my grey matter. It’s horrible.

So Chad, wherever you are now, crack open a cold Captain Morgan, buddy. Cause Day 16 is dedicated to you.

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE: Day 15 – A Song That Describes You

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“White and Nerdy” ~ Weird AL

NERDS! Listen up, comrades! For too long we have been held in shackles by our trendy oppressors! They have cast stones at us, mocked us, repressed us for refusing to indulge in their decadent ways! But what is it to be done? How shall we free ourselves from those who know not?


Yes comrades, the time has come for the nerds of the world to unite as one! Far too long we have been divided in foolish skirmishes such as DC vs Marvel, Kirk vs Picard, Hulk vs Superman or even Goku vs Superman. Cannot you see this is a plot by the bourgeoisie Aeropostle rulers? They wish to divide us, so that we may be conquered and unjustly punished. If you prick a mutant, does he not bleed? Does not even the Batman shed a tear?

I speak on to you not as a leader, but as a brother. Now is our time to revolt against those who deny the truth, who have become blinded by their own tainted souls that they lack the jurisdiction to properly rule. Today is a glorious dawning of a new era, one in which Han short first, in which 616 offers a deeper meaning than just numbers, one in which we sit on the throne of righteousness and trade paperbacks!



Written by MrZissman

07/20/2011 at 11:33 AM

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE: Day 14 – A Song That No One Would Expect You to Love

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“Dope Show” ~ Marilyn Manson

SHOCKING! Normally, I don’t like Marilyn Manson though it’s not for any real religious or ‘moral outrage’ reason. I honestly just find the guy boring and a perfect example of Trying Too Hard. Oh dude, you totally ripped out the pages of the Bible while wearing a thong and torn fish nets? That, um, sure shows em’. So I’m sure you’re all surprised that I chose this song for today’s entry. But why?

Well, for starters,  I like what the song is about: the false, plastic, pseudo-idolatry that comes with being a celebrity.

“They love you when you’re on all the covers
When you’re not, then they love another.”

One moment you’re on top of the world, but all it takes is one bad review, one flawed performance or the public just gets bored with you and next thing you know, you’re crying in front of Dr. Drew about giving hand jobs for LSD behind the Roy Rogers at the truck stop on I-76.  (Which is why I hope Justin Bieber has a good resume that lists other things as qualifications besides ‘Looking like a lost Olsen Twin’)

Like any good ‘Behind the Music’, the price of celebrity usually comes together with a crippling drug addiction, a way of plowing through the wear and tear of extravagant glitz and glam.

“There’s a lot of pretty, pretty ones
That want to get you high
But all the pretty, pretty ones
Will leave you low and blow your mind”

But, in the end, who is to blame? The celebrity for just wanting the next step in life or us for buying into it? We are the ones who buy their CDs, who join their fan clubs, who watch tabloid gossip shows about them or revel in TMZ exploits. (“They’re eating Taco Bell! I eat Taco Bell! He/she is just like me!”) In a way, we play the biggest part of their downfall, because if it wasn’t for us, they wouldn’t be famous.

We’re all stars in the dope show.

Written by MrZissman

07/19/2011 at 11:16 AM


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“Young” ~ Hollywood Undead

I…I just don’t know. This beyond terrible, this is uber-terrible. This is not what doves crying sounds like, this is the sound of doves being shoved in a chipper shredder while someone scrapes their nails on a chalkboard in approval. Imagine a thousand dogs locked in a small metal box. Now imagine if that box is heated slowly from the outside, one degree for every minute that has passed. As the dogs wail in pain and misery, it would not even come close to this travesty. You want to try to sing like this? Swallow broken glass and as it tears your esophagus to fleshy ruin, have Chuck Norris deliver a super sonic roundhouse to your vocal chords. As you gurgle up a bloody, painful vomit cocktail of anguish and despair, you would sound only a tenth of Hollywood Undead.


“Always” ~ Erasure

The world seems bleak and barren, a cesspool of torment and shattered hope. Your tears run down your face and everything seems lost and forgotten. You can taste the bitter palette of failure, as your knees begin to wobble and buckle from the crushing weight of stress. You close your eyes and wait for the sweet kiss of everlasting silence, but instead of the swift judgement of the grim reaper, you hear something else.

You hear laughter.

Opening your eyes, you see you are surrounded by thick, rolling hills of greenery. The sky is a most wonderful shade of blue, with trees offering ripe, lush fruit for you to consume. A brilliant rainbow dances across the sky, sparkling as if it were made from diamonds from all the hues of the spectrum. Birds chirp in magical symphonies of delight and wonderment. As you are awestruck by this amazing display of gentleness and joy, a mighty Unicorn steed runs next to you and nuzzles you. At that moment he mind-links with you, filling your gloom with mind-rays of power and positivity.

“Always, I will be with you.” he says.

“Always?” you reply, slightly unsure.

“Always I wanna be with you, and make-believe with you and live in harmony, harmony OHHHH LOOVVVVVEEE.”

Written by MrZissman

07/18/2011 at 1:40 PM

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE – Day 11: A Song From Your Favorite Band(s)

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Jeez, this one is tough. I’ve never really given a lot of thought to who my favorite band is, considering I enjoy so many. I’ve had favorites over the years, but it’s hard to pin point just one band and say “Oh hay, this is my favorite you guyz.” Ugh, where do I even begin?

Well, there’s KISS for starters. I love rock and roll and I love a big production and KISS produces that. Breathing fire, spitting blood, pyro, killer solos, Gene growing behind the mic, it’s incredible. I’ve always wanted to see KISS live and I fully intend to one day. You count me as General in the KISS Army.

But who could forget Radiohead? Thom Yorke is the mad genius of music, constantly breaking barriers and doing whatever-the-hell he feels like doing. Whether it’s the almost indie-pop sounding “Pablo Honey”, the 21-st century Dark Side of the Moon that is “OK Computer” or the glitching, strumming, beeping masterpiece that is “Kid A”, it’s clear that it’s hard to define Radiohead.

And last, but far from least, is a personal favorite: HIM. Yes, yes, I know, it certainly plays into the Hot Topic demographic at times, but I am not ashamed to admit that I like this band. Finland’s Ville Vallo (Vill-ee Vall-oh) croons with a sweet darkness, portraying lyrics and themes that are both tragic and beautiful at the same time. His voice a deep baritone, the songs waft into your ears like the dancing smoke of a burning incense stick. In other words, it’s awesome.

So yeah, there would be my top 3 bands, at the moment. Not even sure how to pick one, so instead I’ll just pick one song from each band and you guys can decide which one should be my fav.




Written by MrZissman

07/16/2011 at 1:00 PM

30 DAY MUSIC CHALLENGE – Day 10: A Song That Makes You Fall Asleep

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There’s brilliant, there’s freakin’ brilliant and then there’s Inception. Released in 2010, Inception stars Leo DiCaprio as a man who makes a living infiltrating the dreams of high-powered business authorities to commit corporate espionage for rival organizations. Saying anything else would be too spoiler-y, so instead I will suggest that everyone SERIOUSLY needs to see this film. Absolutely breath-taking in its scope and vision.

This song serves as the main theme from the movie and is my choice for Day 10. It’s ironic that a song about dreams would put me to sleep, but this song does. It’s almost hypnotic, putting me into a deep trance, like something out of the movie itself. Another major reason for my induced drowsiness would be the official Inception App for the iPhone/iPod. Why should you download it? Well, first it’s 100% FREE and secondly, it uses the microphone on your iPhone/iPod headphones, or the actual device itself, and takes in the sounds around you and twists and distorts them with the Inception soundtrack into a beautiful, haunting audio acid trip.

Maybe it’s because of this app or maybe it’s some other reason that I’m not quite sure of, but this song never fails to lure me to sleep. Makes me wonder if someone is raiding my dreams?

Written by MrZissman

07/15/2011 at 1:00 PM

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