From the Desk of Mr. Zissman

The musings of an over-stimulated mind

CHAPTER 1 – FINLAND? MORE LIKE WIN-LAND

with 4 comments

Hello class, its Professor Zissman. Welcome to your first class of ROCKING THE HELL OUT 101. Today we will be discussing The Greatest Music Video of All Time. But before we do, let’s discuss on what makes a music video great.  A music video needs to be catchy, in the sense that it needs to keep the attention of the viewer. Remember, you have to keep the audience interested to sit through the entire presentation. With a glut of music videos being released every day, you have to make sure your video stands head and shoulders above the rest. Now please open your text books to chapter one.

CHAPTER 1 – FINLAND? MORE LIKE WIN-LAND

Not quite an angel or the one that fell

Meet Lordi.  Lordi is a Finnish hard rock/heavy metal band, formed in 1996 by the band’s lead singer, songwriter and costume-designer, Mr. Lordi. The band is known for wearing monster masks and using pyrotechnics during concerts. Take one look and it’s easy to see they’ve been influenced by such acts as KISS or GWAR.

Now Lordi has many videos thus far to their credit, but for today’s lesson we shall be observing the video for “Hardrock Hallelujah” off the album “The Arockalyspe.” Please pay attention to the screen and NO SLEEPING, do I make myself clear?

Okay, now, let’s talk about what we just saw. The main character seems isolated and lonely in the high peer-pressure world of high school.  Notice how she keeps her head down as she walks through the hallway? This speaks volumes for the loneliness and isolation she feels on a day-to-day basis. Now from this point, most people would expect this girl, whom we shall now refer to as Metal Girl, to go home and spend the rest of the day wallowing in her own sorrow. Ah, but that’s where this video is different!

As we can see in the following scenes, she watches the cheerleading squad practice their routine, even going so far as to rudely push her out-of-the-way. Again, Metal Girl feels like she’s invisible. But then, due to various rock and roll-based supernatural powers, Lordi manages to not only dim the lights but somehow put the snotty cheerleaders into a death-like coma.  We then are treated to the musical stylings of Lordi, complete with pyro.

Next is when the video takes an interesting turn. Mr. Lordi, the lead singer, seems to awaken the cheerleaders from their death-like coma, but they have now become zombies or Deadite-like creatures. At first, Metal Girl seems apprehensive, even terrified. But as Mr. Lordi continues on with the song, she seems slowly won over by their music and by the end of the video, is actually commanding the zombie cheerleader army.

So class, you now have your video. Your assignment for this weekend is a 500 word essay, single spaced, 12 point font, on what you think this video means to you. No cheating and please just don’t copy and paste Wikipedia, I will check. Class is dismissed.

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Written by MrZissman

05/18/2012 at 11:10 AM

4 Responses

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  1. I think this video means Lordi is a poor man’s version of GWAR (where some see “influence,” I see cheap knock-off), and that Oderus Urungus could slaughter these puny scumdogs any day of the week.

    Dave Brockie

    05/18/2012 at 12:11 PM

    • Well first off, I owe you an apology. For some reason, WordPress marked your comment as Spam and I have no clue why. I went ahead and approved you, so that shouldn’t happen again.

      But meh, I’m not so sure. I mean, I like both GWAR and Lordi. Do I have to pick sides? I like both bands, but besides the whole monster costumes, both bands are different lyrically, musically and their “backstories” are different as well. If anything, I think it just means they can both trace their roots to bands like Kiss, New York Dolls or even Alice Cooper.

      MrZissman

      05/19/2012 at 1:26 AM

      • Gotta agree with Steve, even though I’m no fan of Lordi myself. The two bands are largely different, despite similar schtick with the costumes. The biggest difference being their lyrics. GWAR is all about the twisted, silly, bizarre, freaky, nasty, comical, blood, guts and gore. They aren’t meant to be taken seriously; and while I don’t think Lordi is either, they seem to be a more serious act. Where GWAR is full-on absurd, Lordi is more like straight-up rock’n’roll.

        Erik Bosko

        05/19/2012 at 5:11 AM

  2. Wait, was I Dave Brockie? It took so long for that comment to show up, I can’t remember what name I used. I think I just replied and disagreed… with myself. That can’t be good, can it?

    Erik Bosko

    05/19/2012 at 5:42 AM


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