From the Desk of Mr. Zissman

The musings of an over-stimulated mind

The Ballad of Trog Blüdsmash: An Epic Tale of Blood, Steel and Carnage

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[The following is my created back story for my D&D character, Trog Blüdsmash]

Trog Blüdsmash, of the Blüdsmash Clan, was born into a long lineage of warriors. His great grandfather, Hansdreck, once punched a Dire Moose to death merely because he could. His grandfather, Vonheim, stood 7’2″ and was known throughout the entire kingdom of Merdervorld for his bravery and ridiculous pecs. Trog’s father, Zardon the Great, drove back an entire army of Zombie High-Priests using only his bare hands and a small rock. They say the body count was in the triple digits, but that is a severe under-estimation.

So naturally, when Trog was born to his mother Valhalla, the expectations for him were high. He quickly proved himself worthy of the Blüdsmash mantle by dismembering a ten foot tall Minotaur named Grog the Unspeakable. This would be a decent accomplishment for any proud warrior, but considering Trog was still a wee-lad wearing vampire-skin diapers, it quickly spread throughout the kingdom. By the age of 10, the full list of his slain accomplishments was baffling:

  • 337 zombies of various sorts (Shufflers, sprinters, moaners, screechers, gobblers, thrillers, etc.)
  • 37 vampires of the normal variety
  • 5,104 vampires of the sparking variety
  • 7 Minotaurs (including the father and son duo of Ragnark the Unholy and Starg the Facepuncher)
  • 89 Voodoo Mistresses
  • 3 Were-Dragons
  • 17 T-800s
MANY WILL DIE BY MY HAND!
(An artist’s re-creation of Trog on his 12th birthday)

Though he was capable of many feats of epic brutality with his bare hands, he instead chose to wield a mighty battle axe given to him on his 1st birthday by his uncle Rets. Nicknamed ‘Solomon’ (due to its habit of wanting to split things in half) the mighty weapon never goes dull, due to it’s keen sharpness haven been forged in the fiery furnaces of blackest hell (or spoken as W’en Yesrej in the Old Tongue.)

TONIGHT WE STRIKE! THIS IS THUNDER IN THE SKY!

A rare, non-bloodied picture of Solomon

Yet despite his list of accomplishments, he lacked the one true quest that a Blüdsmash male needs in order to fulfill his obligations to the clan. And so, with that being said, he left the village on his 21st birthday, armed only with Solomon and some basic provisions and set out to wander the kingdom of Merdervorld to find his One True Goal. As the night grew deep and long, with the moon hanging in the air and casting it’s pale luminescence upon the ground, he met a kind old trader who let him ride with him to the next town. However, the caravan was soon set upon by a horde of greedy goblins who would attempt to slay both the old man and Trog and steal the cargo. Trog drew Solomon from the holster on his back and leaped into battle, his heart full of rage and pride. His story has just begun and pages will be written in the blood of all who stand before him.

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Written by MrZissman

04/26/2012 at 4:04 PM

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